Integrity

This past new year, I decided to pretty much restart my life. I have done a lot of things that I'm not proud of and my life was turning into a huge, uncontrollable mess. Things needed to change.

After I came home from college for break, I spent a lot of time trying to set my life on track. I read my Bible as much as I could, prayed, and really thought about my life. There were a lot of things I had to stop doing. There were a lot of people I had to stop being friends with. And there were a lot of things I had to stop liking. I had to completely cleanse myself and my life and let God redirect me to the path that I needed to be on to turn things around. 

It's been a really difficult road because cleansing myself pretty much meant putting away the life I had when I first left home for school. It was really hard to not want to just break down and go back to what I was used to because I felt so alone and uncomfortable not being who I used to be and being with people who were ultimately a bad influence on me.

But with God's help, I didn't break. I somehow was able to stay strong and it really has paid off. I know that I'm going the right way and that's one of the best feelings. And now that things have been turned around, I have to keep it that way. 

I have decided to become a different person. I have to be a different person. I can be anyone I want and do anything I want. So I have decided to be a woman of God and do what HE wants me to do. Keeping Him first and me second. He is guiding my life now. 

Along with that, I want to be a woman of integrity. No more bad reputation, no more secrets, regrets, hiding, doing thing I know are wrong and not good for me. No more.

I will ponder the way that is blameless. Oh when will you come to me? I will walk with integrity of heart within my house; I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless. I hate the work of those who fall away; it shall not cling to me. Psalm 101:2-3

This is what I want to live my life like. To be blameless (as much as possible) and pure. Choosing carefully who I let be close to me and who I let influence me. Being careful with the things I do and what I say to people, especially my family. 

Having this goal is really tough. It'd be easier to go off and do things the old way or act in an old way. Better isn't always easier. But it's getting easier to be able to make the right choices.

Nobody is perfect. But I can do the best I can with strength and patience from God.